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Hitting you with some wild controversy today
Back in 2011, I was working at the CME Group, watching over the crude oil markets and reviewing compliance reports against the firms that violated the CME’s rules. I’d analyze the proposed ISDA language and look at how the new language would affect future ISDA contracts. I did a Dodd-Frank analysis through CME’s lens and presented how the new rules would impact CME’s compliance role. CME’s office was on the Hudson, with views of Manhattan and the Statue of Liberty. While this may sound like I was living my best life, full of purpose and excitement, it was far from my reality.
I was sitting in an office, where I spent 2 hours each day getting my work done and the other 6 hours desperately trying to find EXTRA work. I was miserable and felt like I went to law school to do something fun and exciting. Not THIS. That job felt like the equivalent of watching grass grow. I was applying to 200 jobs each week (or so it felt) with no luck.
Yes, I was bored.
I also had a work BFF, Sam.
Sam and I would walk to lunch to buy $10 salads and get shit-tasting office coffee. We would talk about our weekends and text each other outside the office.
She was like a sister, and I adored her.
She also was the person who received all of my ventings:
Our office Slack conversation looked like this:
Nermin to Sam: I’m so bored
Nermin to Sam: I feel fat
Nermin to Sam: I hate this job
Nermin to Sam: No response from recruiters. Why contact me if you’re going to ghost me?
Then, one day, Sam told me: “Nermin, I think you should see a therapist.”
My immediate response was: “WHAT? I’m not crazy. I’m N O R M A L.
You don’t want to listen to me, so I won’t talk to you anymore.”
In true asshole fashion, I turned it around on Sam at that moment.
Then while on the E train- heading home that night, I thought to myself. Was Sam right? Did I need a therapist? I thought everything I was saying was talking to a friend like she did with me.
Well, thank god for Sam and for her being straight with me. Two months after she first mentioned therapy to me, and after searching on Google to find a therapist, I found my way to Dr. Kumar’s couch in West Village.
I’ve spent the last ten years, on and off, in therapy. It’s one of the things that has changed my life.
Do I still vent? YES.
Do I still have days where I hate what I do? YES.
The problems don’t disappear because that’s all part of the human experience. How I react to situations is what is life-changing.
Instead of being mad at my mom for months and dodging her calls, I’m upset for a few days, talk it through with her, and move on.
Instead of yelling at clients for not knowing their revenue, I mark it in their monthly review and as a KPI to track.
Here's my wildly controversial opinion: I think everyone, EVERYONE, could benefit from talk therapy.
I don’t know you personally. I know you signed up for this newsletter because you thought I would only talk about growing your law firm.
But in that growth process, there are growing pains. There is stress. Things will happen that will not benefit you, and it will 100% be outside of your control.
And it doesn’t help that we, as lawyers, are perfectionists, fear-driven, constantly combative individuals.
Today’s podcast episode is with Therapist Rachel, and we get deep into what we observe about lawyers.
Listen in to find out:
-Why so many lawyers are perfectionists
-Where does the fear come from with lawyers
-How to find the right therapist for you
-How do you know if you need a therapist
-What you can do every day not to blow up
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